Things with the college have gone 'well'.
I say well because i have been accept.
Forms have been filled in and im on my way to enrolling in August.

But 90% of me is screaming blue murder.
I'm petrified and know that well when it boils down to it i know that if i don't lose a heck of alot of weight i won't be able to let myself go.
I don't weigh myself through fear, though when i stopped eating a while back i did.
I was pleased with the progress i made, but of course it was put to a stop by 'loving friends and family', and me being me can't eat normally so ECH!
Anyway i'm all icky now, but Dad said he'd chip in to get Wii Fit and im going to be picking up a Exercise Bike tomorrow, seeing as getting to the gym is normally too difficult or too scary.

So i told myself if i can get to what i was before people made me eat again, then i'll allow myself to go to college. Though i understand thats a goal i cannot reach healthily in the time limit i have, so i'll just have to see how things go.
I'm also petrified for other reasons too, but i know if i could just be skinny i could do it.

For the past week i have also been in England for a little holiday with my Dad and Nan.
It went well, (Go to hell)[- Some Rent singing there] but it was torturously hard at times. I'm anxious alot lately, and people only heighten it, which is why my contact (physical and otherwise) with humans is at an all time minimum.
It was hard to be around Dad and Nan and keep composure. It was also very difficult being outside everyday. Half the time i want to scream and lock myself away inside but that wasn't to be. I slept away alot of the day. Sleeping most nights well, and having a kip as soon as we got back to the cottage from a day out. I was also very cold alot, more than normal for me anyway. I'm booking an appointment with the doctor soon anyway so i may bring it up.

I must say though i did love Monday. Monday we went to an Animal Park called Africa Alive!
It was amazing, kind of like a mini Longlete.
Animals always make me feel at home and content.
I spent abount 15minutes if not more at Lemur Encounters. Which was an open enclosure where Ring Tailed Lemurs were and we could walk round on the path. I sat and took many photos and videos, which i may upload for you tomorrow. One baby Lemur even came up and sniffed my finger! I was totally in awe. Dad pulled my away to my dismay though and i wasnt able to swindle my way back there.

Even though it was a three bedroomed cottage, one room only had a baby's cot in it, so i shared a room with nan.
She was on a single bed on one side, and i was on the bunk bed. I sat on the top bunk, which is oddly strange that i would choose there. I felt safer up there even though i shouldnt.
But that's enough of that.

So yes im finally home, and can't wait till sunday is over so i can get some fucking alone time. Dad is going away for a week which is so joyous, so i have Monday and Tuesday to myself. Wednesday is my Mark's birthday though, so he'll be coming down .

I've caught up on most recorded programmes and caught up a bit on here too. I've deleted some journals and read some, answered all poles and comments and begun to say Thank You's for favourites.
I haven't as of yet read many Deviations, but i will try my best to do so. But as stated anxiousness tends to rule my days and unless i have something completely preoccupying my mind (i.e. a game) then i tend to freak out.
So i apologise in advance for the very delayed comments of deviations. And an extra apology for Literature entries, as they will most likely be the last in my viewing.

Some Birthdays have passed, so i will shout them out.

Happy Birthday Sarah
Happy Birthday Kathryn
Happy Birthday Madeleine
Happy Birthday Bethan
Umm and thats all i can think of i think.
I wont do dates cause i actually can only remember three of the dates, lol.


Hope you're all okay, if you do wish to get a hold of me, you can send me and email/note and i will try to get back to you ASAP!

Much Love,