Why do i watch these fucking movies.
I keep torturing myself and i don't know why.

I didn't even know.... this movie was gonna be like that...
Its fucked up and killing me to watch but i cant stop.

I feel so sick.

I need sleep tonight but i cant
I cant do college,
I cant do a 'normal' life...
I just cant do any of it.

Make it go away.. please


-------


It's now 3:07am.
I watched the movie i downloaded yesterday.
Jack Ketchum's : The Girl Next Door.

I feel so dead inside now..

How can people do these things?

I cried so hard i heard dad stir upstairs, he got out of bed but soon got back in when i stopped my pathetic snivelling.

I deserve this though...
It kills to see... but i deserve it.

I even checked the book out on Amazon.
I want to try and buy it.

I don't get why i do this but i do...
I know i'm only buying the book, because there's a limit to how horrific they could actually make the movie... and believe me... it showed way too fucking much.
But with a book.. every graphic sickening thing, is written in graphic sickening detail.


I really don't want to go to the Open Day tomorrow.
Pretty much all today has just been a failure and its my fault.
I'll never change
And neither will the world.