Mark's been over since Friday which has been amazing
On Friday we played (Meaning: I played, he watched ) Metal Gear Solid 1 on the Gamecube.
It's a great game, even though i'm not that good at it, but i did do good on a boss fight second time round

On Saturday we went to town and to Stewart's where i bounced on the trampoline alot ^_^
We were gonna get a PS3. (Meaning: I pay, while he watches ) Need a 60gb one though for the ability to play PS1/2 games. We were gonna get one off Ebay then.. but we didn't for some reason

Played alot of Kingdom Hearts II and been meaning to play Animal Crossing and Lego Star Wars but haven't >< Also been meaning to watch Nightmare Before Christmas but haven't we're terrible.

It's been really fun having him over anyway, even if i did have a little breakdown Tuesday night. Sleeping is still sucking, but i sleep better when Mark is around. Admition is on my mind way too much and i cant get it out. Wrote something today, but i don't know if i'll submit it.

I don't know whats going on... since Tuesday night (I think it was Tuesday) I havent felt the same. Mark's gone home today so hopefully i can get it out of my system by Saturday.
There's an open day at a College on Saturday which my Dad is going to take me to.
I'm petrified.

Me and Mark went to his college to meet Morgan ^_^ cause it was his birthday
(We bought him a chocolate bear, cause of a thing him and mark have ^_^). I got the all incredible tour which was mucho fun!
On the way out i saw the Prospectus' on a shelf though, so the dream kinda faded away. I don't know if i can do it.. i just (in my head) don't fit in college. I don't know i just seem different to everyone else. But i know it's me being paranoid.

I know a few awesome mates going to the college i want to, which will be nice, but i still don't know if i can do it. I haven't been in the academic loop for a long time, and hey they might not even accept me. It's one of the reasons i haven't dared try for a job. I'm too frightened they'd reject me because i have nothing to offer.

But anyway... i know this is just me being meh.
I've had a great past few days , even if Admition has spoilt the past two. Just cant seem to get him away. I was like a robot on Wednesday and sometimes when i kissed Mark, it was like i was kissing him. It was frightening. ..

He's never controlled me this badly before, and anything i do wont get rid of him.

I haven't done anything today and there's plenty to do. I have a tonne of cleaning and washing to do, and i feel all grimy so i need to have a bath too. Also i need to zone out, so i might play some KH2 after.

I know alot of you aren't okay.
And despite what ive just written always feel free to come talk, i'm always ready to help xxx


P.s. About the title... in Kingdom hearts someone says "Back Off" which reminds me of Fire Starter with Drew Barrymore, who says that to make her Fire/Anger/Power 'back off'.
I was saying it to myself (in my head) but it didn't work on him like it did with Drew's fire. Ahh well. x