I've been watching a series called Criminal Minds on the internet. At the moment i'm on an Episode called Aftermath (Episode 5: Season 2)
It's quite a tough one to watch for me but i like to watch it all the same. In one point, one of the detectives, or whatever they are, called Spence, was talking to another one.
She had been shot in her house 4 months ago and Spence wanted to talk to her about it because since she'd been back to work she'd acted like nothing had happened. ANYWAY, She has said something like this...
"When he shot me, he put his fingers in my wounds to write on the walls in my blood." Then some other bits and then ... "Sometimes it still feels like he's inside me"
This triggered alot off for me, despite what the actual Episode was about.
Then Spence said to her...
"You're still alive and he isn't
You've won"
She gave kinda like sarcastic cheer and said
"Here's to winning"
Thing is.. it's just.
I don't know what it's like for anyone else... but.. i don't know. I haven't Won.
..
He is more with me now than .. when it happened...
As long as i breathe, as long as i am alive, He is.
Inside of me.
He destroys me, without being physically in my life at all. He is nothing physical to me now. But it feels it.
I can hear him, see him and feel him. Constantly.
He... does... more than then. Not just the night... the morning.. the afternoon.
That little snippet of the episode just really made me relate to that. I haven't won, and i haven't survived, Not yet.
One day i will.
I will block out his voice, and he will never be able to touch me again. I will be alive.
Sorry for the incoherent ramble...
Maybe it's just me.
But i know that, just because he isn't here physically, it doesn't mean i have won... escaped. Just because blood still pumps through my body, it doesn't mean i'm alive. It doesn't mean he didn't kill me.
Does anyone understand?
Dame Pheobe Kookerburra
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Criminal Minds 
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The coroner will find ink in my veins and blood on my computer keys.
The Greatest Mistake In Life Is Continually Fearing You Will Make One
Oh look, He left a little fan boy drool on the wall
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Don't worry about what most people think; they don't do it very often.
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~Infinity
I know what you mean, but I haven't been exactly to where you are now.
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Across the face of the Earth, her ruby cheeks shone; Winds of whisper buried seeds of rumor, made her secret well grown.
I've never gone through the same thing so I can't totally relater but I've been in situations where I feel the same, so I can kind of understand, but also I still know that I can never totally comprehend how you're feeling, I just wish with all my heart that you would never have to feel that way
Love you sweetie
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"People run out. Money runs out. Time runs out. But words don't run out." - J. Deborah Klein
"Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Watch the crashes
Let them rust"
-from Paradox by ~Oblivialice
Have you ever talked with someone about this? I don't mean a '
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"Streams and rivers are welcomed into the ocean. Accepting everyone, no one is left out. When one knows one is part of something larger than oneself, one can relax. The river floods when its banks are full. Respect your limits; just do what you can do".
The fact you could say "One day i will.
I will block out his voice, and he will never be able to touch me again. I will be alive." shows us how strong you are...shows everyone (including you) how strong you are and how you can beat this and everything.
Lobe you.
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have you ever just wanted to turn a turtle shell inside out? you know, because why protect the outside from predators when it's the inside that has to deal with memories and the pain?
From "Always, Often" by *Solaces
Ive talked snip its with people.. but thats about it.
I know about three people (in here life) who it has happened to.
Only one of those i could really talk to about it with.. and well she's far from come out the other side
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The deeper the mud, the more beautiful the lotus blooms.
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